


voices

by amybri2002



Series: febuwhump 2021 [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Manipulation, Mind Control, Not A Happy Ending, i know he sounds nice but he is not nice, implied past abusive relationships, janus is morally grey leaning on unsympathetic, some disturbing imagery near the end but it’s a blink and you’ll miss it kinda thing idk, superhero au, technically speaking idk, this one is kinda dark bois, tho that’s also a blink and you’ll miss it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: Roman hears voices in his head all the time, but this may be the worst one.
Series: febuwhump 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138040
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	voices

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so i have for some reason decided to do febuwhump, let’s see how this goes haha. today’s prompt was mind control! i am not at all sorry for what i have done to roman here. hope y’all enjoy~

Having someone in your head always felt weird. Perhaps that shouldn’t be something that Roman had a particularly strong opinion on, but… he’d been manipulated in the past, both by the evil he had fought against and those he thought he loved, and it had never been fun for him. He knew that it was wrong, that he could have just  _ stopped  _ it, got out, but it could take ages to convince himself that he was worth more, and even after leaving the voices never left. 

Now he actually  _ did  _ have someone in his head, a voice that he vaguely recognised but… not any of the usual voices echoes in his head, this one was different. It said things that Roman had never heard before, tried to convince him to do things that no one had ever asked before, told him things about himself that he’d never even thought. This didn’t feel like manipulation, or the consequence of past manipulation, this one felt… real. 

The voice called itself Janus. It said that they had met before, a long time ago, but that Roman probably wouldn’t remember it. Him? Them? He wasn’t entirely sure. 

“I’m just looking out for you,” Janus had said, in their smooth voice, deep and calming, entrancing. “I know people in the past have hurt you, and you don’t deserve that.” 

“Who are you, though?” Roman asked, every single time. He just wanted to know what was going on. “What do you want from me?” 

“I don’t want anything for  _ myself _ , not really,” they said. “Just… I want you to listen to yourself, maybe take my advice.” 

Roman scoffed at that. “Why would I need your advice? I’m doing just fine.” 

“Are you happy?” 

He didn’t reply to that. Roman didn’t need to listen to some voice in his head, he had far more important things to be doing. Like saving the world. Superhero shit. Yes, that was way more important than… his own happiness… 

Roman tried his best to just go about his days, ignoring the voice. He had done that all the time before, he should be used to it by this point, surely. He tried not to think about how the voice slowly became more desperate the more he ignored it, tried not to think about how sometimes it’s… suggestions didn’t seem like the best of ideas, even though it had assured him that all it wanted to do was help, tried not to think about how when he’d look in the mirror late at night he’d see flashes of… someone else, or someone like him, the same general features, same hair, same frown, but… scales… down one side of his face… 

He didn’t want to think about any of that. There were villains to fight, civilians to save, men to charm, life to live. He could push the thoughts aside, just like he did with everything else. 

“Why won’t you listen to me?” Jan- the voice asked one night, as Roman tried to get to sleep. “I’m only trying to look out for you.” 

“That’s what they all fucking say,” Roman mumbled in response. He tried to hold himself back. He failed.  **Just like always.**

“This isn’t what you really want,” the voice continued, apparently ignoring Roman. Perhaps giving him a taste of his own medicine. “You smile, but… it’s not real. You’re lying to yourself. I wish to help you… stop.” 

Roman rolled his eyes. “What am I lying to myself about?” 

“Your wants, your needs.” They sighed. “You think you have to do all of this wonderful stuff to please people, to make them happy, to ‘save’ them, but… does it bring  _ you  _ happiness?” 

“It makes me an awful lot happier to know that the city isn’t being fucking destroyed by those dickheads-“ 

“Does it make you happy, or relieved?” 

Roman didn’t reply to that, face falling. 

“Just what I thought.” A pause. “What do you really want to do?” 

“I’ve always wanted to be an actor,” Roman said, before he could even think about it. He hadn’t meant to say that. Why was he even answering the voice? He shouldn’t answer the voice, they- it probably wasn’t even real, maybe he just… needed to sleep more… He found himself speaking more, again without thinking. “Imagine it, center stage, lights on me, cheerful crowd, maybe a few tears, everyone  _ loves  _ me-“ 

“Everyone loves you as you are.” 

“They don’t love me.” Roman sighed. “They love the person who saves them, over and over. They don’t even know my name.” 

“Would they love you on stage?” 

“Yes.” His voice is certain, which is… strange. “Yes, they would. I would have fans, real fans, they’d-“ 

“You have fans now.” 

“I don’t.” Silence filled the room.

The voice didn’t speak again that night. 

But a few weeks later, when Roman was on a mission, he heard it again. Well, less heard it, and more… he wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it. 

He knew the voice was  _ there _ , telling him something, smooth and commanding, though he didn’t know what the words were, perhaps didn’t understand them, or perhaps… perhaps they weren’t speaking words at all. 

Roman hadn’t attempted to speak back, far too preoccupied in the fight, far too busy to worry about something that wasn’t even real, something he probably just made up, something that… 

Before he knew it, Roman had moved away from the fight, legs moving without his permission, drifting along the street towards… towards a large building in the distance, a building he recognised, a building that immediately brought a smile to his face. The theatre - he used to go there all the time as a kid, watch the performances and imagine himself up on that stage, a future where he’d be happy. 

Something… felt wrong, but still, Roman continued to walk towards the building, up onto the stage, a crowd surrounding him, cheering his name, his  _ real  _ name, not the fake one he made up to fight evil, people finally saw  _ him _ . He could have stayed there forever and never grown tired of seeing the smiles on people’s face, feeling the harsh lights heat up his skin, feeling the cool breeze drift past the empty stage- 

That wasn’t right. He was… on the roof of the building, wind crashing against his cheeks,  _ this wasn’t right _ . He- 

“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” the voice said. 

Roman froze, though he couldn’t tell if that was voluntary or not. “I-“ 

“You could have that,” Janus said, and Roman could almost hear the smirk in their voice. And… by God, did it sound tempting. Roman would give up everything to have that for even one day, and… potentially harm the world in doing so. He- He had to be there to protect everyone, he had to keep reminding himself that. 

“I can’t,” Roman said, sounding certain. “I- I shouldn’t be here, I have to-“ 

“Walk to the edge.” 

Roman didn’t even have time to react before his legs began to carry him over to the edge of the roof. He looked over the edge, and saw carnage on the street below, fires, dead bodies, blood, broken glass, all the superheroes being held back, defeated. 

“It’s over, Roman. You’ve lost. If you go back to this, you’ll never be happy, will you?” 

“I…” 

“I care about you, Roman,” Janus continued. “I want to help you. Will you let me help you?” 

A pause, and then, ever so slowly, a nod. 

Roman watched a person emerge from the flame, vaguely familiar, scales down one half of their body. They smirked and clicked their fingers. Everything went black. 


End file.
